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of the various variety of variables

8/12/08 11:35 am - emosasquatch - Needs Moar Zombies [Part one of two]

Sporker: emosasquatch
Title: Late Dawns... (If this fic was inspired by that song, where the hell are the zombies?)
Author
deadbbekickball
Rating: Only three this time-- badly-written and the grammar makes baby Jesus cry, but the content isn't so bad and it's fairly short.
Characters: Frank and Gerard with a side of Ray (for about five seconds.)
Annoying Traits: Cliches abound, Frank calling Gerard "Skippy," and the use of beer pong for evil. Also Gerard waxing purple poetry, though I find this to be somewhat IC.
Sporker's Comments: Honestly, content-wise, this would be a fairly cute little fic. Buuut, sadly, the grammar and poor execution ruined any chance it had. Shame, really.


Sample:



Soon to come: Part two, which features soap opera amounts of DRAMA. :O

7/1/07 04:46 pm - cool_rain_kiss - Sporking seven: Kingdom Hearts

*This is the last backposted spork! AREN'T YOU ALL EXCITED?!

Sporker: cool_rain_kiss
Title: Innocence
Author: megadeth425
Rating: An Ansem, only one this time. I know it's short, but... this Ansem is strictly for OMGWTF MY CHILDHOOD.
Characters: various Heartless species and the Princesses of Heart
Annoying Traits: *weeps brokenly* THE HEARTLESS HAVE DICKS AND THE PRINCESSES HAVE UNBRIDLED SEX DRIVES. WHY?
Sporker's Comments: I... I... MY BRAIN. MY INNOCENCE. MY CHILDHOOD. OH MY GOD. Prepare for gangbangs of Disney Princesses by little Heartless guys! You have been WARNED. PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR SANITY. OH MY GOD.

Don't... just... don't even expect this to be funny. I was too busy killing myself to be humorous! I just... I just... OH MY GOD. Waaaaaaah!

Sporking:

You... you don't want to click this... PLEASE don't...Collapse )

7/1/07 04:23 pm - cool_rain_kiss - Sporking six: Muse

PERFECT BALANCE

*Like spork number five, this one is from way-back-when, so some information is unavailable (mainly links to the story and an author name/link). Apologies in advance, but we feel this sporking still needs to be shared. We hope yall can deal. Seriously.

Sporker: emosasquatch
Title: Perfect Balance
Rating: FIVE bullets, because. O, geez, man! One for it being so bad I laughed at parts, another for the horrible sex, another for including poor Kelly towards the end, and two because this thing just shouldn't exist.
Characters: Matt, Dom, and Chris (with random mentionings of significant others).
Annoying Traits: O, badfic sex, you never disappoint me!
Sporker's Comments: Grammar's not horrible, but it isn't great. This thing needs to burn. The end.

Sporking:

Only the angry ones, DomCollapse )
Tags: ,

7/1/07 03:32 pm - cool_rain_kiss - Sporking five: Muse

*Another old spork that's being transferred. We're almost done. Bear with us.
*Also, some information will be missing from this because back in the old days when this was sporked, Kitty and Radaj didn't really go by the, uh, rules or have a layout or anything, so this one's very simple - no HTML, no color, and some things are missing (like links to the actual story, an author, yes). Enjoy it anyway!

Sporker: emosasquatch
Title: Supermassive Black Hole
Rating: Three bullets, one for vague porn for the sake of vague porn. Another for some of the stupidest dialogue ever, and one last one because of sheer mindWTFery.
Characters: Matt, Dom, Chris, and unnamed director and Owl People.
Annoying Traits: The entire story is pretty damn annoying. And drag!Matt for the lose!
Sporker Comments: The grammar was okay except for the apostrophes-for-quotation-marks thing. And the paragraphing. Alas.

Sporking:

I see you lying next to me... AND MY MANBITS!Collapse )
Tags: ,

7/1/07 03:23 pm - cool_rain_kiss - Sporking four, Part two: Kingdom Hearts

Part one can be found here.

Sporker: cool_rain_kiss
Title: Hi Roxas
Author: iheartnumberthirteen
Rating: THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH ANSEMS IN THE WORLD.
Characters: Roxas, Emii/Emmi/Emmy, Mr. Axel, Mr. MacGyver, Mr. Demyx, and Miss DiZ (no you are NOT reading me wrong).
Other Annoying Traits: Everything. No, seriously. EVERYTHING.
Sporker's Comments: SHE HASN'T EVEN PLAYED THE GAME! I KID YOU NOT! She just thinks Roxas is hot! And... the netspeak! Oh, God, the netspeak! But. Fine. I'll say something nice. I'm trying here. ::twitches:: The paragraphing isn't bad. She knows, for the most part I believe, to start a new line when a new person speaks. But, that's the only redeeming quality. And it hurt me to give this fic a redeeming quality. Really. I think a piece of my soul died.

Part two: Clickity for WTFeryCollapse )

7/1/07 03:22 pm - cool_rain_kiss - Sporking four, Part one: Kingdom Hearts

*This sporking has a bit of lore to it. tafkae and yamikonumber7 are sly, sly dogs. They posted this story at The Pit, and I fell upon it and sporked it. However, these two lovely ladies are sporkers themselves, and so basically, it's a troll. BUT, yes. I, however, didn't know this until I sporked part two. They kept me in the dark for quite sometime. Needless to say, also, this sporking is getting moved from one comm. to the next, as per usual right now (not many left, though, and then MOAR NEW STUFF! =D)

**This is a long one, so it has to be split into two separate posts. Part two is here.

Sporker: cool_rain_kiss
Title: Hi Roxas
Author: iheartnumberthirteen
Rating: THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH ANSEMS IN THE WORLD.
Characters: Roxas, Emii/Emmi/Emmy, Mr. Axel, Mr. MacGyver, Mr. Demyx, and Miss DiZ (no you are NOT reading me wrong).
Other Annoying Traits: Everything. No, seriously. EVERYTHING.
Sporker's Comments:SHE HASN'T EVEN PLAYED THE GAME! I KID YOU NOT! She just thinks Roxas is hot! And... the netspeak! Oh, God, the netspeak! But. Fine. I'll say something nice. I'm trying here. ::twitches:: The paragraphing isn't bad. She knows, for the most part I believe, to start a new line when a new person speaks. But, that's the only redeeming quality. And it hurt me to give this fic a redeeming quality. Really. I think a piece of my soul died.

Part one: Cursed fools. Sora, you lazy bum. Got it memorized?! I knew he was sending the wrong guy...Collapse )

7/1/07 02:28 pm - cool_rain_kiss - Sporking Three: Kingdom Hearts

*Please note: this is my very first sporking; I'm simply moving it to this comm. These things happen, folks.


Sporker: cool_rain_kiss
Title: Every Star
Author: Glomping Kawaii
Rating: One for the atrocious grammar, and one for the horrible OOC.

Characters: Prince Sora and Captain Riku
Annoying Traits: For some reason, "Captain Riku" cracks me up, but it's not so much annoying. Sora being so damned feminine, though, is another story. And, God, if only OOC were an ability for these characters...
Sporker's Comments: At first glance, taking in the paragraphing and whatnot, I was going to say this fic had okay grammar. But, it doesn't. I don't think the author knows what a comma is, and run-ons... Oh, the run-ons! Other than that, this fic is pretty tame. It's yaoi, but definitely no hot boy buttsecks or anything. ::sigh:: If only people could write good slash...

Sporking:

Effeminate is the word!Collapse )

7/1/07 02:16 pm - cool_rain_kiss - Sporking Two: Harry Potter

*Please note, this is an old sporking that I'm transplanting from my personal journal to this comm. These things happen.

Sporker: cool_rain_kiss
Title: It's not a Crush, it's an Obsession
Author: harryandhermy333
Rating: Two Snapes. One for atrocious grammar, and another for cliche plot and general Emo/Yawn-inducing-ness. Rating may go up with later chapters.
Characters: Harry and Hermione (with random dead characters FTW!)
Annoying Traits: IT MUST BE EMO. And Hermione has the Beer to End All Beers.
Sporker's Comments: This is only the first chapter, and I guarantee yall I've read worse. BUT, the spelling and grammar (moreso spelling than grammar, though) is atrocious and I can smell the bad plotline from a mile away. And, you can't tell, but BRICK OF TEXT, OH MY.

Part one: I dub thee Super Beer...Collapse )

For part two, the rating is bumped up to three Snapes! Just saying.

Part two: You cannot live the wedding if you believe the wedding is there. You must believe the wedding is not there, for only then can you live it.Collapse )

6/9/07 03:24 pm - cool_rain_kiss - Spork One: My Chemical Romance

Bullets 1-5 = Basic scariness
Guns = Horrifying, life-shattering braindeath

Sporker(s): cool_rain_kiss & emosasquatch
Title: Appendicies
Author: mystickyarchive
Rating: FIVE bullets because of the sheer mindfuckery, I mean, what the hell? One for an OT3, one for smut for smut’s sake, one for involving Ray, one for awful pillow talk, and one for lack of refractory period.
Characters: Frank, Gerard, and Ray.
Annoying Traits: The amazing ability to have completely pointless sex in every single "apendix," make that endless sex with absolutely no refractory period, pointless dialogue that is completely OOC for the boys -- which is, not to mention, not sexy -- and just... why, God, why?
Sporker Comments: ‘Kay, so, this story does have good grammar. Except for when it doesn’t. There.

Sporking:

I want you inside me!Collapse )
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