Unaccustomed as I am to pubic spanking... (cool_rain_kiss) wrote in kr_sporks,
Unaccustomed as I am to pubic spanking...
cool_rain_kiss
kr_sporks

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Sporking four, Part one: Kingdom Hearts

*This sporking has a bit of lore to it. tafkae and yamikonumber7 are sly, sly dogs. They posted this story at The Pit, and I fell upon it and sporked it. However, these two lovely ladies are sporkers themselves, and so basically, it's a troll. BUT, yes. I, however, didn't know this until I sporked part two. They kept me in the dark for quite sometime. Needless to say, also, this sporking is getting moved from one comm. to the next, as per usual right now (not many left, though, and then MOAR NEW STUFF! =D)

**This is a long one, so it has to be split into two separate posts. Part two is here.

Sporker: cool_rain_kiss
Title: Hi Roxas
Author: iheartnumberthirteen
Rating: THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH ANSEMS IN THE WORLD.
Characters: Roxas, Emii/Emmi/Emmy, Mr. Axel, Mr. MacGyver, Mr. Demyx, and Miss DiZ (no you are NOT reading me wrong).
Other Annoying Traits: Everything. No, seriously. EVERYTHING.
Sporker's Comments:SHE HASN'T EVEN PLAYED THE GAME! I KID YOU NOT! She just thinks Roxas is hot! And... the netspeak! Oh, God, the netspeak! But. Fine. I'll say something nice. I'm trying here. ::twitches:: The paragraphing isn't bad. She knows, for the most part I believe, to start a new line when a new person speaks. But, that's the only redeeming quality. And it hurt me to give this fic a redeeming quality. Really. I think a piece of my soul died.

The sporking opens in the selfsame theater. The usual sporkers walk in to a blank screen and pause.

Sora: Hello? Cid?
Riku: Are you up there?
Axel: Cid! Start the son of a bitchin' 'fic!

A?N:

Axel: Funny. It's like she's questioning whether or not she's an author this early in.
Riku: It doesn't have to be questioned.
All: She's not!

okay this is my frist fanfixc plz no flames ok???

Axel: Never mind, never mind! Don't start the son of a bitchin' fic!
Kairi: It... could be worse.

i dident play the kingdomh earts game

Riku: They haven't even played the game!
Sora: ::blanches:: Awe, geez. I bet we're all gay, and Kairi's been replaced by some Sue. Great.

i just watched my freind play part of it and the chars r sooooo hot!!!!

Sora: Well. Aren't we shallow?
Kairi: Is anyone else having trouble reading this?
Axel: "okay this is my ...frist... fanfix-ca pulzah no flames oh-kay question mark question mark question mark. i di-dent play the --"
Sora: Just... just stop. Please. Think of the kittens.
Axel: But, I thought we're supposed to think of the kittens when we mas-
Riku: AXEL! Fine. Think of the children.
Axel: What child with half a brain would subject themselves to this torture?

i like roxas best ok

Sora: Well, Roxas hates your guu-uu-uuuts and is waitin' for you to dii-ii-iie.

ya neway now we shuld get to the fanfic cause i know you are all dying to read it

Kairi: Yeah, 'cept not.

its called “Hi Roxas”

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Axel: Oh-zero-oh-zero-oh-zero-oh-zero-oh-zero-oh-
Kairi: Stop it.
Riku: Don't let Jack Skellington hear you talking about his ghost dog like that, Axel.
All: ...
Sora: That's so wrong on so many levels.

Once upon a time in kingdom hearts

Sora: We're not even a full sentence in, and already there are no words.
Riku: So... we live in a big yellow heart?
Sora: I... I think so.
Kairi: No, that'd be Kingdom Hearts. This is its incestuous cousin. He doesn't get capitalized because he's a disgrace to the family name.
Axel: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your COW!
Riku: Down, Betsy.

there was a boy named Roxas, he was lived in the twilight town all by his self. He used to lived in the place called destiny island with his brothers Sora and Riku

Sora & Riku: WE'RE RELATED?!
Axel: Would you rather the gay buttsecks?
Sora: *turns to Riku* 'Sup, mah brotha, g-dawg, homiiiie?
Riku: Don't do that again.

but he had to move because nobody was chasing him (A/N you know the enemies that are called nobodys, so really somebody was chasing him lol I dont know why.)

Sora: How can she not know why? It's HER story! Of all people, SHE should know why!
Kairi: Be nice. It's her first story, and she's new to the fandom.
Axel: Which is why she deserves EXTRA BURNINATION! *summons fire in his palm*
Sora: Where's Demyx when you need him?
Axel: I could so kick Demyx's ass with my eyes closed.
Riku: Right. Fire against water? Use logic, Axel.
Axel: Can't. Story killed it dead.

Neway one morning only it lookd like it was almost nite b/c it alwasy looks like sunset in Twilight town, I guess that is why they call it that. Lol well roxas woke up and looked out his window, the sun was starting to come up and it was morning.

Kairi: But... I thought... she just said... but... She just said it always looks like sunset, so how can the sun be rising to look like an Average Joe morning?
Axel: THE POWAH OF NETSPEAK.
Sora: By your powers combined, I am Captain Save-the-Grammar!
Riku: Joke's dead, Sora.

“I think it will be another good day said Roxas

Kairi: No, it won't. He left his quotation mark at home.

and he hopened

Sora: Is that like saying he hopefully opened something?

his window & looked outside then he looked at his clock and went “OMG

Axel: So, we're to believe he actually went "OH EM GEE"?
Riku: ... Yes.
Axel: Right-o!

IM LATE FOR SCHOOOL”

Kairi: SO I HAVE TO STRETCH OUT MY VOWEEEELS AND BORROW HARRY POTTER'S CAPS LOCK OF RAAAAGE! WAAAAAAH!
Sora: You know, you're scary sometimes.
Riku: Brilliant, but scary.

so he ran outside he almost forget to get dressed but then he remembred so he wasnt wearing pjs wen he got to school or nethinglike that lol.

Axel: El-oh-el, the thought of Roxas in PJs is so funneh, like, oh-em-gee. Be-are-be, I need to take a piss be-slash-see that was so funneh I might wet myself.

“hay Heyner did you get the homeworks done” he said

Kairi: Funny how he said something that sounded like it was being asked.
Sora: I think it's a little late for nitpicking, Kairi.

2 his best friend Heyner wile they were in their lockers.

Riku: "In their lockers"? They were in their lockers? Why were they in their lockers? I mean, Sora, c'mon. Even you aren't that small.
Sora: I am not small!
Axel: Don't even try to pull the tons of male thing again, Sora. It didn't work last time. *goes frigid as if being possessed* It just made tafkae make an icon. *back to normal* Wow, that was weird.
Kairi: Did Axel just get possessed by the sporker in order not to break the fourth wall?
Sora: Humph. If the sporker can break the fourth wall, then I can be tons of male.
Axel: And pigs will fly.
Riku: Yeah, you're really not helping your case any, Sora.
Sora: *sulks*

“o yeah sure I did” said Heyner but he really hadnt, he was always slacking off and besides Roxas could always tell when people were’nt telling the truth.

Riku: Roxas is telepathic?
Sora: Only with me, and only when we're ONE BEING. You know, NOT brothers. We're the SAME PERSON.
Kairi: Down, fanboy.

“so wut classes do u have today” said Roxas,

Kairi: That sentence just hurts.

“well theres drama and swimming and study hall and I think band but im not sure maybe that was tomorrow.”

Sora: How does he not know what classes he's taking? Shouldn't he be used to the schedule by now?
Riku: Maybe it's the first day of school.
Kairi: No, it never said that. And they had "homeworks" to get done, so I'm pretty sure it's not the first day.
Riku: Well, I got nothin' then.


“No it is today,” they had classes together everyday and thats’ how Roxas knew.

Axel: Idiot. Why would Roxas have asked what classes Hayner has if they have all their classes together everyday?

“u don’t like drama much do you Roxas?” said Pence who was next to him.

Sora: When'd he get there?
Riku: I thought they were still in their lockers!

“no I dont the teacher is sooooo gay he is always hitting on me and stuff, I cant stand him” said Roxas

Kairi: ONE guess as to who it is.
Axel: *grumbles*

“and besides im not good at acting, I always trip over my feet because their so big.”

Sora: *frowns* That's not nice! That's how I was designed! We're all like that!
Axel: Oh, stop crying.
Sora: I'm not crying!
Kairi: *in a sing-song voice* Someone has a Loz complex!

“Haha, yeah you do have big feet,” said Heyner and he laughed he sounded kind of dumb but then again he always did.

“talking about feet makes me think of cheese steak im hungry,” said Pence,

All: ...
Axel: Um... should we even question the cheese steak?
Riku: Or its relation to Roxas's feet?

“Your always hungry pence,” laughed Roxas. Just then the bell ringed and it was time for class, so they all ran to class

Riku: After someone, you know, miraculously figured out their combinations and got them out of their lockers.
Kairi: Just let it go, Riku.

Roxas got there on time but everybody else came thru the door wile the teacher was calling role.

Sora: But... weren't they all walking together? And why would the teacher already be calling role immediately after the bell rang?
Kairi: Juuuuust stop questioning it.

The teacher called Heyners name, he was really tall and skinny and had this red hairs that spiked outall over the place kind of like how Soras did but not really, and these little marks under his eyes like sombody put a match to his face while he was sleeping or something and they were green.

Riku: Wow. Hayner sure does look a lot like Axel. Must be a fanboy.
Axel: *strikes a pose* I do have that effect on people!
Kairi: Yeah, 'cept just no.
Axel: Don't make me re-kidnap you and take you back to the Orgy.
Sora: That... sounds... really, really kinky.
Kairi: Sora! You're a Disney character! You shouldn't be having such dirty thoughts!
Sora: I BLAME ROXAS!
Kairi: But he's a Disney character, too!
Sora: Uhm... I BLAME BADFIC!
Kairi: Now that I can understand.

He had this pink shirt on and one of those scarf things like that guy from Scooby Doo has

Riku: An... ascot?
Kairi: Really, Wikipedia's not that difficult to navigate.

only his was pink too. “Heyner” he called out.

Axel: Didn't fic!me just do that a couple of paragraphs ago?

Heyner reised his hend,

Axel: Did the 'A' key rape him and now he's holding a grudge?

“Im hear Mr Axel”

“Ok good, now shut up, your stupid Heyner,”

Axel: Go me!
Riku: Actually, that was kind of lame.
Axel: BURNINATION!
Riku: *scoffs* *Ka-Keyblade!*

Heyner was sad but he know the teacher was right.

Sora: *as Hayner* Damn inferiority complex!

“Is everybody else here? Ok good,

Riku: Smooth, Axel. Just quit caring about the rest of the class.

now how about my favorite lil noodle Roxas?”

Sora: Does... anyone wanna go there?
Axel: Do and die.
Kairi: Um... oh, I shouldn't even ask that.
Sora: What?
Kairi: Am I the only one getting dirty mental images at the words "lil noodle"?
All: ...
Riku: Actually? No... you're kind of not.
Sora: That's so not cool, Kairi.
Kairi: I'm sorry!
Axel: SHE JUST WANTS TO THINK ABOUT YOUR HAPPY-MAN, SORA!
All: *stunned silence*
Axel: *shrugs* That's what you get for going there.

Roxas got a hot face,

Riku: Hot faces, two for two munny at your local Wal*Mart!
Kairi: "Two for two munny"? Why don't you just say "one for one munny"?
Axel: Because it gets suckers like you to buy more.

he was not happy that people call him lil noodle all the time, but he raised his hand too and said “Im here Mr Axel.”

“Oh there you are shnookms, it makes me so happy when you don’t skip my class I didn’t want to have to give you “special detention” again,” Axel said winking, and Roxas got even madder because he didn’t want Axel’s “special detention” either but he hated school.

Sora: Um... why isn't anyone concerned? This is kinda-sorta illegal. You know, the statutory rape kind of illegal.
Axel: Please. Like I'd want a piece of your Nobody's scrawny ass.
Sora: Odd. I feel relieved yet insulted all at the same time.
Axel: *licks finger touching ass, which causes him to literally steam* Can't touch this.
Riku: *rolls eyes* Wouldn't want to.
Axel: Who asked you, Spawn of Sephiroth?
Kairi: Did you just go there?

“Neway we have a new student with us today class, her name is Emii,”

Sora: I TOLD YOU THERE'D BE A SUE AND EVERYONE WOULD BE GAY!

he said and a new girl got all up ons the stage she had kinda short kinda long reddish purple hair

Axel: Her hair is either indecisive or bipolar. I can't pick one.

that went to her shoulders and she was wearing this cute pink jumper dress with a black hood and white shoes and the laces around her ankles. (A/N no I didnt design the character I just saw her on a video game box and I likedhow she looks I dont remember what game she was from though sorry!!!)

Riku: So... this is... a... crossover?
Kairi: No, this is a creation from Hell. Get it right, Riku.
Sora: *frowns* What happened to being nice, Kairi?
Kairi: Oh, I gave that up after the first few pages. It was too hard to do.

Roxas thought right away OMG, she is hotttt, but then he was sad again, why would a girl as hot as Emmi like a nobody like me?

Axel: Why would Roxas care? 'Cause, you know, Nobodys DON'T HAVE HEARTS.

But he dident know that Emmy

Kairi: How many ways can you spell that girl's name? Really.
Axel: Hey, Kairi?
Kairi: Yeah?
Axel: So, I was reading this fic's reviews, and everyone is saying this Emmy girl is supposed to be you.
Kairi: Are you trying to ruin my life?
Axel: Well, maybe just a little.

actually saw him too and she thought he was hot too but she was to shy too say anything because she thot he wouldn’t like her too.

Sora: I'm beginning to miss the words "also" and "as well as."
Axel: I tell you, the 'A' key has gravely wronged this child.

Finally! I'm cutting something out! The little aspiring actors get up on stage and play Freeze Refresh. Whatever that is. This Emmy girl gets paired with Hayner, and Roxas gets paired with his... erm... big noodle? Axel tries to grab Roxas's butt. Naturally.

Pretty soon class was over and it was time for lunch, Pence’s favorite class because he got to eat. “I bet your hungry Pence sayid

Kairi: Awww! Sayid's in this! My little Iraqi teddy bear!
All: ...
Kairi: Don't any of you people watch LOST?
Riku: Where do we keep the TVs on Destiny Island?
Sora: More importantly, when would we have time to watch TV?

Heyner.

“duh, of course hes hungry Heyner, Pence is always hungry” said Roxas.

They went to the lunch room, pence was already there because he ran the whole way, he could run pretty fast for a fat kid lol.

Kairi: Aww, c'mon. He's not fat! He's just a little chubby. Baby fat is all.
Axel: You know, at his age, he'd prob'ly just rather you call him fat before you explain it away with the words "baby fat." That would never attract the ladies.

Pence had on his tray about thirty cheese steaks!!!! And hes started eating them all really fast. Roxas had a packed lunch and so did Heyner, because their moms were too cheap to buy them food. Except Roxas lived by himself so I don’t know how he got food lol.

Sora: How very interesting.
Riku: Please. Go on.
Kairi: Yay fic.
Axel: We're just downright filled with giddy yay about what happens next. No. Seriously. We are.

They all ate there lunches and while they were eating the new girl Emmy, came up to them and she had a lunch tray too and she said “Hi, your in my drama class rite? My names Emmy” she said. “Can I sit with you guys all the other tables are full?”

“Sure” said Roxas and he put his bag on the floor.

“Wait Roxas, what if shes an alien?” said Heyner looking worried.

“don’t be more stupider

Riku: Please tell me the author is attempting to be funny by saying "more stupider" while insulting Hayner's intelligence.
Sora: You know, I don't think she is.
Axel: Pity.

Heyner, of course she is not an alien,” said Roxas.

“Yeah aliens don’t like cheese steak said Pence and he tried to steal Emmy’s cheese steak!

“Pence you baka”

Sora: Be glad you can't hear Roxas ranting right now. *holds head*
Kairi: Fangirl Japanese: destroyer of all.

said Roxas and hit him and he dropped the cheese steak. “Just ignore pence he really likes the cheese steaks if you couldn’t tell lol.”

Axel: El-oh-el. How funny I am. Look at me being so funny.
Riku: El-em-'ay-oh, Axel.
Sora: Lawlz.

Emmy sat down next to him “Hey can I see your guy’ses schedules? I just started today.”

“Sure” said Roxas and he said, “the next class that I have is swimming and then study hall and band.” “Oh cool, those are my classes too,” said Emmy.

Sora: Oh, how coincidental!
Kairi: Jinkies, that's suspicious!

“Cool I hope we will see each other more,” said Roxas, butt then he brushed because it sounded like he had a crush on her! He looked at Emmy’s face and she was red all over and blushing too. “Ya.. I hope we see each other too” Emmy said but she was embarrassed too.

Axel: Hormonal teenagers sadden me.
All: Hey!
Sora: You were one once too!
Axel: No... I was always this smooth.
Kairi: *snorts* I doubt it. Besides, we're not that bad.
Axel: Please, if I mentioned you and Sora making out in the theater, you'd be redder than my hair.
Kairi: Would not! *blushes*
Axel: Told you so.

“What class is next again” said Heyner “I forgot already.”

“It’s swimming you dummy” said Roxas “gosh your so dumb I just said that.” “Sorry Roxas I’ll try not to be so dumb next time,” said Heyner.

Sora: Roxas is glad that Hayner doesn't have to suffer through this awful characterization.
Riku: Why isn't he here?
Kairi: Because the sporker figured she'd go horribly wrong in writing his personality.
Axel: Poor fourth wall never stood a chance.

They leave and go to swimming class, yay! And the author points out that Roxas is, indeed, male, and that Emii/Emmi/Emmy is, indeed, female and can therefore not get dressed in the same dressing room. Thankfully. Otherwise, we'd probably get poorly written smut.

So he went out and got in the pool, and he was gonna start lapping the pool when the he heard a familial voice. “Hi Roxas!”

Sora: *as Roxas* Bye!
Kairi: One guess as to who it is...
Sora: *as Roxas* AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

He turned around in the water, it was up to his waist and he saw Emmy standing in the doorway, she had on a cute yellow-orange bikini

All: It... was... aaaan itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny, yellow polka dot bikini that she wore for the first time today!
Riku: Does anyone else know the rest of the words to that?
All: *grumble embarrassedly and shake their heads*

that went perfectly with her hair. God shes cute,

Sora: Who’s this Shes person?
Axel: Some French guy with a really weird moustache.

he thought to himself but then he shook his head, but she is so cute, there is noway that I have any kind of chance with her im just a nobody after all, Roxas the nobdoy. Besides she all ready probably has a boy friend anyway he thought.

Riku: Oh, for the love of darkness, just go cut yourself already.
Sora: Hey!
Axel: Remember: down the road, not across the tracks!

Emmy got in the pool all slow because the water made her nervous, but that wasnt the only thing that made her nervouse, Roxas did too because she had a crush on him too!!!

Kairi: But... they just met a class period ago. And they were both supposedly too shy to talk to one and another. This is the shallowest crush in history.
Riku: Well, not everybody can be friends forever and just happen to fall in love but still do nothing about it even though they both know they’re in love several times over to the point where it’s kind of sickening.
Axel: Not that you’re bitter or anything.
Sora: Who’re you talking about, Riku?
Kairi: *headdesk* Us, Sora. He’s talking about us.

But he is such a cute boy, his heart probably already belongs to another she thought.
“Ok class” said there swimming teacher, he was kind of tall and he had blond hair in a mullet.

Axel: Y HALO THAR DEMYX!

“Today we are going to work on are underwater breathes exercises.”

Roxas grumbled,” I hate underwater breathing stuff, its impossible for anybody that isn’t half fish!!”

Kairi: Wow. Just... the logic... the sheer logic... Because, you know, swimming isn’t an Olympic sport or anything and CHILDREN WITH NO LEGS have never swam across channels or anything! Oh, right. They must be from Atlantica! Where, you know, it IS possible to be half-fish, according to Disney and the Kingdom Hearts fandom. So excluding the fact that this author knows anything about Atlantica due to the fact that she’s never PLAYED THE GAME, can’t she just safely assume, by real-life circumstances, that it is, indeed, possible to hold your breath underwater?!
All: ... *stare*

“It is probably not that bad” said Emmy she was trying to make him feel better. “His hair is pretty silly though”

Axel: Her train of thought is positively ADD-worthy.

“His hair isn’t as dumb as his lessens” said Roxas.

Sora: Well, this fic isn’t as bad as its auther!
Axel: Ouch! That’s harsh even coming from me! A-X-E-L. Got it mem --
Kairi: You’re killing it. Stop while you’re ahead.

“Ok class but today the breth exercesis will be a little easier because you can make scuba tanks!!

Riku: Make them? Is that entirely legal? To force underage kids underwater with homemade SCUBA tanks?

Everyone come up to the front to get yor tin cans and string and duck tape,, youll have 2 share the squirrels tho we don’t have enough, and we will make scuba tanks out of them,”

Replica of Items from the Fic: *appears!*
All: ...
Sora: *picks up tin can and duct tape* How would we... go about this?
Axel: *doesn’t answer or take his eyes off a very pretentious-looking squirrel* I think that squirrel wants my nuts.

said teacher. Roxas grumbled all the way he really hated Mr. McGyver almost as much as he hated Mr. Axel.

Sora: Wow, that’s some Grade-A quality H8!
Kairi: I’m honestly surprised she didn’t write the word that way.

So they spended their class using the tin can scuba and Heyner was the only one who didn’t almost drown of dying because his head was full of air anyway so he didn’t run out, and Pence also was ok because he floated. Emmy had a grate idea tho she and Roxas didnt’ use the tin cans at all they just took breathes of air wile M.r McGyver was’nt looking.

Axel: She’s a regular genius.
Sora: Roxas says he’s sick of his friends getting dissed by a thirteen-year-old fanbrat.
All: Seconded!

After class in the hall Roxas looked really wierd cause his hair was still all wet from being in the water. Emmy htought it was really cute and she giggled and brushed.

Kairi: Brushed what?

But then Roxas heared a voice he didnt want to hear again coming from behind him, “Hi Roxas my lil noodle!!!” it was Mr. Axel again! Roxas moved away but he wasnt fast enough and Mr. Axelgrabbed his butt.

Axel: *chokes* Right... in front of everybody? Not that I would if we were alone, but... I’m a teacher! And he’s underage! And... RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY?
Riku: What happened to that whole Mr. Smooth act you had up to two seconds ago?
Axel: It died along with Sanity and Logic.
Riku: Oh, I see.
Axel: Triple kill. You know how it goes.
Riku: Right.

“Ah stop it I don’t want u to grab my butt.” Roxas explained. “Come on you know you like it” said Mr. Axel and tried to grab his butt again but then Emmy stepped in, “Mr Axel your a teacher!!! Its mean to grab yourstudents butts even if they do have a really cute butt like Roxas does.” Then she gasped because she didnt mean to say that.

Riku: I hope this girl never becomes a lawyer.
Sora: Why?
Riku: Because she’s crap at defense.
Kairi: It’s “mean” to grab students’ butts? Did she forget how goshdarned illegal it was?
Axel: What’s the importance of legality in the name of badfic, I ask you!
Kairi: Oh, shut up, butt-grabber.

Axel looked with his face as red as his hair almost because he was embarrassed and mad! He said “After school I will take you both to talk with Prinicpal Diz and then you will be having my special detention for sure!!!”

Sora: What is it, anyway? A threesome?
Riku: You know, it probably is.

And then he got mad and went back to the room he taught in because he was still mad at Emmy for stoppig him.

“Evyre body knows special means retarded” said Emmy

“Thanks Emmy he is really a big jerk even if he is a teacher” said Roxas.

“Oh its no problem” said Emmy blushing again “I just want to help my friends writE?”

Riku: Nope. Wrong.
Sora: So wrong.
Kairi: On so many levels.



“yeah but now we should get to study hall, were gonna be late. What room is ur study hall in?”

“209”

“Oh men, mine is in 105, I guesss we have different teachers for it” said Roxas and he was disappointed becaue he couldn’t spend any more time in that classwith Emmy. “Well then we had better get goin” he said sadly.

“Ya we should” said Emmy. “Well I will seeyou in band then!!” and she ran off to her class and Roxas walked away to his study hall by himself. When he got to 105 he was suprised because the tutor was different! It was another guy with blond hair in a mullet thing but this one was not Mr MacGyver. “Hay who r u and where is Mr. Strife?” Mr. Leon Strife

Sora: Leon Strife?
Axel: Here. I’ll headdesk for him. *picks up a random block of wood and smacks his head into it as hard as possible, passing out and slumping down into seat*
Riku: He did that on purpose to get out of the fic. I know he did.
Axel: *mumbles* Did not.
Kairi: Riiiiight.

was the guy who normally did his tutoring in studyhall and this guy was different.

The guy standed up from the desk, “Oh, man, it’s worse than I thought. You are Roxas, right?” he asked and he sounded kind of nervouse.

“Ya Im Roxas but who r u!” Roxas said.

The guy sighed, “I’m Demyx. I guess I’m your... new tutor. What was, uh, ‘Mr. Strife’ teaching you, anyway?” he said.

Kairi: Wait, so... this whole time... Demyx wasn’t the swimming coach?
Sora: No, I guess not.
Riku: Well, they never called him Demyx. They called him “Mr. MacGyver.”
Kairi: I just thought the author was giving Demyx a stupid last name. Awe, man. Now I’m confused.
Sora: You mean you weren’t already?

Leon is not a chemist, but Roxas is too smart for any foul-ups! I pity the rug, though.

“Okay, so... do you have a math book or anything?”

“Baka Demyx-san

Sora: *headdesks for the sake of Roxas until passing out*
Kairi: Awe, man. This isn’t cool.
Riku: Tell me about it.

their all on the back wall on that shelf.” Roxas pointed at the shelf where all the math books wer and then he got up and got one and sat down at a desk. “Come on baka your supposed to help me.”

Demyx looked kind of upset but also nervous. “Not if you keep calling me... whatever the heck you just called me.” But then he gave up and pulled up a chair next to Roxas’s desk with the math book and he started helping him with his math, they were on chapter eight. “Ah, man, it’s been years since I took trig... I told him he was sending the wrong guy...” Demyx mumbles.

Kairi: *sighs* Another overused line brought to you by BadFic!
Riku: Who’s sending the wrong guy? The Grand Master Fangirl?

When the bell rang Roxas was really happey that class was over because he hadn’t hardly got any work done, and he slammed the book really loud and made Demyx jump, “Your really dumb Demyx-san we dident get through anychapters at all, you have got to be kidding! I mean you don’t even know the law of cosines and they made you a tutor?? That’s dumb I know ur just doing it for the money I mean Mr. Strife was kind of crazy but at least his heart was in it!”

Riku: His heart was so into it that he tried to get Roxas to drink concocted substances?
Kairi: What I’m really wondering is why this is “study hall” when there’s no one in the class except Demyx and Roxas. Shouldn’t that be more like... after school tutoring, or something?

Suddenly Demyx slams his hand down on the table really hard and looked totally mean!! “Roxas, shut up. Also, as your tutor, I’m assigning you every problem in chapter eight. Odds and evens.”

Kairi & Riku: OH NO!

“WTF” Roxas yelled

Kairi: I‘m trying to imagine that scene and failing. It‘s like Slam book number one! Slam book number two! And then Roxas, “DOUBLE-YOU TEE EFF?!”

“God your such a jerk u collage guys are all the same” and then he went storming out so he could go to band. Emmy was waiting for him outside the band room with her flute case,

Riku: *snickers* This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flu-
Kairi: RIKU!

“Hi Roxas, you look mad r u ok?”

“YA only I got this new tutor his name is Dumb-yx and he gave me a TON of homework!!! I cant believe it I mean I thought Mr. Strive was mean trying to make me ingest caustic liquids but this guy is just a torturer, I cant believe it!”

Kairi: O, WOE.

“That sucks, said Emmy, “by the way band is canceled so I don’t know what do to.” Roxas looked and there was a sign on the door on a paper that said “band is canceled today go home!” “Thats weird” said Roxas “why would bang be canceled?”

Riku: Especially since it seems it’s a normal class period, so wouldn’t they just be stuck in some other teacher’s room, or, I don’t know... given a substitute?
Kairi: Logic’ll getcha every time, Riku.

Emmy shruggled, “I dunno but what instrument do you play? I play fluete.”

Roxas shruggled too “I don’t know, I usually play tympani but sometime strumpet

Riku: How do you play a... strumpet?
Kairi: Now, see, here’s where reading trashy romance novels gets me in trouble, because the girls are always “buxoming strumpets.“ And, well... there’s definitely a way to play them, lemme tell you.
Riku: You mean you got onto me for the flute joke, but you read smut books?
Kairi: I’m a girl. What do you expect? Literotica is a girl’s pr0n!
Riku: You know, some part of me is saying that I didn’t need to know that. Yeah. I’m going to listen to that little part of me now. *blissfully ignores*

I guess it depends on how im feeling.” He was’nt very good at band but he didn’t say that because girls like musicians.

Kairi: It doesn’t matter if he’s a musician or not. If he can play a strumpet as well as he’s implying he can, then he’s good.
Riku: La la la... can’t hear you.

“Well what r we suppost to do now?” said Emmy.

Riku: GO HOME AND MAKE OUT!

“I kno wwhat u can do” said a voice and it was Mr. Axel again, he was good at showing up out of the shadows really creepy. “U can come with me to Prinicapl Diz’s office and we will discuss ur special detention!!”

Kairi: O SNAP, MA. The jig, she is up!
Riku: Remember, cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly.

“Im not going to ur stupid “retarded detention” Axel” said Roxas.

“Thats Mr Axel to you, and you don’t have a choice, its up to the princiapl,” said Mr Axel. “Now come with me my lil noodle”

Roxas sighted but there wasn’t nothing he cuold do, it was pointless to argue with a teacher especially this teacher, he didn’t listen toanybody! So he followed the teacher to the priniclapl’s

Kairi: She’s never going to spell that word right, is she?

office. Emmy went along because she new that if she didn’t than Mr Axel would be grabbing Roxas’s butt the whole time. They got to the prinicpals orfice

Riku: They’re approaching DiZ’s orifice? That’s kinky and wrong in so many ways.

and aksed to see Prnicaipal Diz and finally they went inside.

Principle Diz was really scary, she

Kairi & Riku: ... SHE?!

had these red bandages all over her face because there had been an accident on her a long time ago and she didnet want nebody to see the scars.

Riku: What wonderful exposition.
Kairi: And yet entirely wrong. Imagine the odds.

but everybody was really scared of her anyway cause you could only see one of her eyes and anyway she was the proincpal. “So, its Roxas and Mr. Axel again, Emmy would you please wait outside.” Emmy did that. “Have a seat Roxas and Mr. Axel” said Diz.

Mr. Axel grabbed Roxas’s butt wile Diz wasn’t looking (A/N: lol Axel not that kind of seat!!)

Riku: Oh, the fanbrat is just so hilarious.

and Roxas hit him but then they sat down in chairs than Diz looked back at them and and caught Axle trying to get Roxa’s shoulder. “Mr Axel stop it that is disgraceful 4 a teacher” she said “Im a servant of the p.t.a. and if im a servent you should consider urself a tool at best!”

Riku: If Axel were conscious, he’d probably say something like how he has a tool.
Kairi: Thank God he’s not awake.
Axel: *mumbles* Heard that...

“Hey mr Axel I think she just called u a tool” said Roxas and he giggle. Axel just looked mad.

“but Roxas you are not showing teachers good respect” said Diz “weve talked to you about it before and I think you ndeed disciple.

Kairi: Which one? Luke, Mark, John, Peter, Paul...?

Roxas is sentenced to a week with Axel. I fear if this story had more than one chapter, we would have buttsecks, Houston.

“I gess not” said Roxas “I dont like being in trouble even if its for something I didnt do” then the bell rang and school was over. “Emmy where do u live?”
“Market St” said Emmy

“Cool thats right near my house, what a coincidince!”

“Ya I know thats cool” said Emmy “Maybe its destiny”

Kairi: For being so shy, she’s quite the flirt.
Riku: That’s flirting?
Kairi: *rolls eyes* Boys...
Riku: *crosses arms* Women...

“Ill walk u home” said Roxas blushing.

“Ok that wood be nice” said Emmy and she blushed too. They went together to the front of the school and they were gonna walk home but Mr Axel was outside with his car that was a pink convertible.

Riku: *leans toward Axel and screams* WOW! LOOK AT THAT! AXEL SURE IS GAY! I BET HE HAS A PINK CONVERTIBLE IN REAL LIFE, TOO!
Axel: *jumps up* DO NOT! Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!

“HEY MY LIL NOODLE” Axel yelled really loud and everybody looked at him, Roxas was super embarrassed by him. “Dont forget ur special detention!!!!” he called

Riku: And THEN... the oral sex!
Kairi: Oh, wicked, bad, evil, naughty Roxas!
Axel: *as Roxas* Oh, not my button! Not my gum-drop button!

Roxas got a red face, “im sorry Emmy maybe I can walk u home sometime next week wen I dont have detention” he said sadly

“Thats ok I can wait” said Emmy. “Be careful that teacher gives me the creeps”

“Ill be fine, anyway hed lose his job if he tries anything”

Axel: Haven’t I already been trying somethings?
Kairi: Yes, and no one seems to care.
Axel: How quaint.
Kairi: *stares* How creepy.

said Roxas, then he went over and got in Axels car.

“Dont be so mad Roxas at least u did’nt get special detention with Mr Saïx or anything” said Mr Axel laughing and then they drove away.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

A/N: omg, cliff hanger!!! well I hope u all like my frist story, ch2 is done all ready

Sora: *suddenly wakes up for the end!* But... I thought... there wasn’t a chapter two?!
Riku: Apparently it exists, but she never did post it. The only reviews she ever got was telling her not to use netspeak and that Emmy was really Kairi. But, really. That’s constructive criticism.
Kairi: But, how did they word it?
Axel: Who cares?
Kairi: Point.

but I wanted 2 get sum revues before i put it upt!!!!! omg review plzzzzzzzz if u do i will giv u a cookie!!!

Sora: Even cookies could not rectify this.

o and i hope I got axels char right. (no flames plz)

Axel: Well, you kind of DIDN’T, so just STOP TRYING. Please, can I flame the badfic now? Just once? Please?
All: Sure.
Axel: *summons fireballs and hurtles it at the script* AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
All: ...
Kairi: Let’s go before the whole thing crumbles. Again.
Riku & Sora: Right behind you!
*all three run out*
Axel: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!
Tags: kingdom hearts, spork
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