*Also, some information will be missing from this because back in the old days when this was sporked, Kitty and Radaj didn't really go by the, uh, rules or have a layout or anything, so this one's very simple - no HTML, no color, and some things are missing (like links to the actual story, an author, yes). Enjoy it anyway!
Title: Supermassive Black Hole
Rating: Three bullets, one for vague porn for the sake of vague porn. Another for some of the stupidest dialogue ever, and one last one because of sheer mindWTFery.
Characters: Matt, Dom, Chris, and unnamed director and Owl People.
Annoying Traits: The entire story is pretty damn annoying. And drag!Matt for the lose!
Sporker Comments: The grammar was okay except for the apostrophes-for-quotation-marks thing. And the paragraphing. Alas.
Matt: *appears in front of the theater, and stares wildly around at the sky* FUCKING ALIEN SCUM!
*Chris and Dom, who have just appeared beside him, collectively jump.*
Chris: AAAGH, MATT! It's not aliens!
Matt: *stares into space for several minutes, before turning to face his band mates.* Then just what the hell WAS that?!
Dom: *reads the headline on the theater's marquee, and a look of horror spreads across his face* ... It seems it's something much worse.
Chris and Matt: What?!
*Everyone turns and slowly reads the marquee. Chris chokes back a laugh as Matt and Dom stare, bewildered.*
Matt: Holy hell, NO.
Dom: *simply stares, horrified*
Chris: *snickering* Come on, you blooming wanks, let's get in before the previews finish!
*Chris grabs Matt and Dom each by an arm, and then drags them in as they both spit obscenities and claw helplessly at the air.*
'So, were finally done, eh?' Dom commented, walking away from the recording studio where they had just finished packing up - they had finally recorded the album, finishing the long process of making it.
Matt: Well, yes, finishing an album does typically entail recording it...
Black Hole and Revelations – a typical Matt name for an album, he thought, smiling.
'Yeah mate, I’m gonna miss it, but then not at the same time, get what I mean?' Chris said, slinging his bass over his shoulder and heading towards a neatly parked car in the driveway of the small French recording studio.
Dom: No, Chris, we don't. Perhaps using correct punctuation could aid us in that.
Chris: ... Do I really say "Mate"?
Matt looked at the place for a while, that had been their home, work, life for the past year or so.
'Oi, daydreamer, shall we just leave you here?' Dom called to him, and as Matt turned round and walked towards the car, he grinned, remembering that this was also the place where he had found love, in the shape of his best friend and band mate Dom.
Chris: THE RUN-ON SENTENCES... THEY BURN.
Matt shivered in the cold. The three, having got the train back to England, were now waiting for cabs home. One for Chris, to Teignmouth and one for Matt and Dom, who both lived in Hackney. Dom wrapped his arms around his freezing boyfriend, rubbing to keep him warm.
Chris: *LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY*
Matt and Dom: IT'S NOT FUNNY!
Chris rolled his eyes, and then got up as the headlights of a taxi came into view. ‘Well, I’ll see you guys next weekend, for the video shoot, right? Don’t wear yourselves out too much’
He grinned and hugged them goodbye, then got into the taxi.
‘And then there were two’
Dom kissed Matt, tongue working its way into his mouth and hugging him closer.
‘Warm enough now?’
Matt: Yes, quite. YOU CAN STOP NOW.
They kissed again but were interrupted by a taxi approaching. They got in, told the driver the two destinations, and then continued with renewed enthusiasm with what they were doing.
As the taxi pulled up outside Matt’s, the first stop, they kissed goodbye but as Matt went to get out, Dom pulled his hand back.
‘Matt? Move in with me?’
The day after next Matt was moved in, and Dom wasted no time in showing where the bedroom was.
Chris: ... Wait, what the bloody hell? That was fast!
Dom: *snickersnorts, despite his horror* Matt, apparently you're pretty damn easy in this story.
Snippity. Dom wakes up the next morning and ponders the meaning of "Supermassive Black Hole." Haven't we all.
Well, it was a bit obvious with the lyrics ‘ooh baby can you hear me moan’. He laughed to himself softly.
Matt: AAAA-- wait a minute. "Supermassive Black Hole" isn't about...
Chris: Matt, this was likely written by some horny teenage fangirl with nothing better to do than write hopefully fictional accounts of you and Dom shagging like bunnies. Did you expect any relation to reality?
Matt and Dom: *begin to weep*
This still woke up Matt however, who grumbled something before trying to get back to sleep.
‘Sorry Matt, we gotta get up, its Supermassive shoot day’
Matt growled something about shooting him if he woke him up again before something seemed to click and he got straight up and was ready in about five minutes.
‘C’mon Dom, let’s go already! I got a surprise for you!’
Chris: Hehehe, Dom, Matt wants to show you his... surprise.
Dom: ... *WEEPS EVEN HARDER*
‘Ok, ok, Mr. Eager, I’m coming’
Dom: Dialogue like this does NOT belong in this type of story.
All the way to the set Dom constantly questioned Matt about what the surprise was, but Matt would not tell him. As they pulled up, and got out, Matt kissed him briefly before running off to ‘get ready’. Dom smiled and walked in towards the set to hear the director’s idea. It sounded strongly influenced by a certain Mr Bellamy, especially with the masks and the owl people. Dom and Chris had to try so hard not to laugh when they heard about the owl people.
Matt: Wait, what?! I had nothing to do with that video's design! That was the director, ehm, what's-her-name...
Dom: Matt, has ANYTHING ELSE in this story had anything to do with reality?!
Matt: ... *buries his face in his hands*
‘Alright let’s begin!’
The music started and they mimed along, masks in place, Dom still wondering what the surprise was. After about an hour of shooting that scene, with mistakes corrected and things added in or cut out, they moved to the scene without the masks. Instantly, Dom saw what Matt’s surprise was. Matt had mascara, eyeliner and various other assortments of makeup on. His face was sweaty and that combined with the makeup made Dom instantly hard.
Matt and Dom: WHAAAT?!
‘I shouldn’t like this’ he thought,
Dom: QUITE RIGHT.
his erection disagreeing
‘but he looks like… well like… ah God, he’s so sexy…’
Dom’s brain didn’t get to finish the sentence. He strode over to Matt and kissed him. Hard. After about a minute they were interrupted.
Chris: *as interruption* Matt, Dom? This is God, and I hate you both.
‘Err, guys? We need to get on with this’
Chris’ voice broke them up, Dom returning to his kit, his erection more prominent than ever.
Matt: How the hell did we not notice this if you were that--
Dom: Finish that sentence and you die.
As they continued with the filming, Dom was getting more and more impatient, longing to carry Matt off with him to a bed. Actually, to the nearest empty room would do.
Chris: Hell, Dom! Mr. Eager indeed!
‘Alright, that’s a wrap for you guys; we’ll start filming the owl guys now’
Those words never came too soon for Dom. He grabbed Matt’s hand, dragged him past Chris laughing at the owl people and into a corridor, where he dragged him into an empty room.
‘You like my surprise then?’
Matt laughed, but it was stopped short as Dom grabbed his face and kissed him so hard and deep that Matt moaned into his mouth and ripped his shirt off, eager to satisfy himself and Dom.
Matt and Dom: HOLY SH--
Chris: AHAHAHAHA. Wow, Dom was right, you ARE easy!
Dom grinned as he felt Matt join him with a prominent bulge pressing into his thigh. Dom growled as he ripped off his own shirt, and then pulled Matt to the floor with him.
About an hour later, they both lay on the floor, panting, naked and covered in various bodily fluids.
Matt, Dom, and Chris: ... WHAAAAAAAAT?!
Chris: An hour?!
‘So you really did like my surprise then’
Chris: One would guess, after the sudden sex in the back room.
‘Obviously. We’d better go back, they’ll be wondering where we are’
‘Somehow I think they know’
Dom: Oh, because what else would two grown men be doing in a back room that makes that sort of noise?
Matt: ... Dom, you are entirely too comfortable right now.
Dom: ... WAIT, NO, I--
Matt: *shrinks away from him* DON'T TOUCH ME! YOU WANT TO TAKE ME INTO A BACK ROOM IN THE STUDIO AND FEEL MY MANBITS!
Dom: *eyetwitch* WAIT, NO, MATT, I--
*Matt runs out of the theater, sobbing hysterically. Chris and Dom exchange nervous looks.*
Dom: ... I had nothing to do with that.
‘I love you’
‘I love you too’
Chris: Awww, aren't you two sweet.
Dom: I'm half-glad Matt left before that... it might've sent him into a deep coma.
*THE END displays on screen, and Dom sighs with relief.*
Dom: YES. FINALLY. I don't know how much more of that I could take without, em... behaving like Matt.
*A scream can be heard from the lobby outside. Chris and Dom shift uncomfortably in their seats.*
Chris: Ehm, perhaps we should go get him before he harms a civilian...
Dom: *wide-eyed* That would probably be wise.
*They both stand and walk silently out of the theater, as screams are still heard ringing from the lobby.*